Ding dong DOMA's dead, and this baby is alive!

My brother and sister-in-law welcomed this little bundle of joy into the world very early this morning.  This is the first time I have ever met one of my nieces or nephews on the day of their birth!  I am usually in a far distant land.  The silver lining of this disease is that I was able to see this bruised lil babe only a few short hours after he emerged.

Yesterday was difficult emotionally accepting I still can't go back to work.  Today I have had an immense amount of pain.  And it is really easy to only think about this illness and all the pain and suffering and heartache that comes with it.

But not today.  Today this lil nugget arrived safe and sound.  Despite his umbilical cord wrapping around his neck causing him to look even more like an alien.  Not only that but he can marry anyone he likes.

DOMA is dead and love is alive.

So thanks lil man.  And thanks SCOTUS.  Perspective is a wonderful thing.  

Apparently awesomeness doesn't cure diseases

I have been spending time in the pool.  My joints have made it impossible to walk or do my physical therapy.  So like an 80 year old I stretch out my legs in the pool.  The other day I was stretching away and a random woman began talking to me.  She asked what was wrong with me.  The minute I said Lyme disease she screamed, 'I can't talk to you anymore.  My friend just died of Lyme disease.'

Awesome.  Thanks for that.

When the doctor told me I was sick I honestly was most fearful of going bankrupt.  Credit scores are important people.  I never doubted that I would beat Lyme disease.  After all most people do beat it, or at least learn how to live with it.

When I first got sick I continued to work for about 3 months.  Bright idea, I know.  As my condition deteriorated my doctor told me it was time to go on short-term disability and head home to stay with my parents.  I was only supposed to be gone for 2 months.  Yesterday that 2 months was extended for another month.

I still have confidence I am going to beat this thing.  But there are set backs and moments of fear.  Yesterday was one of those moments.  Lyme disease is a lot of trial and error.  Which meds work?  How long do you have to rest?  But no answers.  That magical cocktail of drugs that will heal me has yet to be found.  Which is surprising considering my vast knowledge and love for a good cocktail.

If I can jump off a cliff at Victoria Falls over crocodile infested waters, I can surely beat Lyme disease.

The age old question: Which came first the pain or the shoes?

How often do you replace your gym shoes?  I have always been told to replace them every 6 months.                                                                    Yea right.  Don't get me wrong I love shoes.  Particularly high heels.  There have even been gym shoes that I have liked, as pictured.  However, I have never spent more than $50 on any pair of shoes.  This is where you can blame my mother.  Frugality is the backbone of my DNA.

My whole walking to the post office hit a road block.  Not due to a tractor accident or running into too many crazy people.  But rather my right knee.  Not the left knee.  Only the right one.  For the past 3 days my knee has been hating me.  It isn't swollen.  It doesn't seem to be inflamed.  Yet it has been the worst pain I have had this entire disease filled year.

The moment the doctor told me that I would most likely be sick for 9 months.  Once again let me be clear - I am not pregnant.  I told the doctor - NO pain pills.  I am not concerned about long term antibiotic effects, but rather becoming addicted to pain killers.  I have found some natural remedies that help with the pain.  But outside of that I have simply dealt with the pain.

The knee did me in.  I am popping pain pills left and right.  Addiction Smadiction...

Some may say that wearing 2 year old gym shoes could be the problem.  Valid.  Some may say this is residual injury from my bike accident in January.  Valid.  Some may say I am simply growing old.  Valid.

I believe the true reason for the pain is that after 20 days of no sugar my body is revolting.  I bet if I had a piece of cake the pain would go away.

Ultimate dinner theatre

Some may refer to this mindset as vigilante justice.  Round these parts its just what ya do.

While eating dinner on the porch my parents and I saw a guy walk up the street.  This young man then began to scream widely and run into the street and oncoming traffic.  We all stood up, actually my parents did.  I sat in my chair.  Seeing and hearing someone experience a mental health episode made me feel like I was back in the big city.

My brother, his very pregnant wife, and my niece walk through the neighborhood each night.  I thought it pertinent to inform them of this man.  Simultaneously my father was lighting a cigarette and hopping into his truck to 'investigate'.  Very close behind him was my brother and his dog.  Apparently I wasn't warning my brother, but rather instigating.

The young man had taken to the woods.  But they were on his trail.

Apparently someone along the way did call the police.  Probably city folk who were passen through town.  The officer arrived as quickly as he left.  Not to fear an eye witness emerged at the pond! A mother said a socio-path had just ran by.  She clearly never completed my internship training where I stipulate that unless you have the credentials you are not allowed to 'diagnose' individuals.

They scoured the woods as the sun was setting.  Alas, the man was not found.

After further investigation the hypothesis is that this man lives in the neighborhood.  He has been sighted several times with big sticks fighting the air.

To be continued....

The little blue pill

When I was a wee little one my mom would rock me before bed time.  Once I had had enough I would point to my crib and promptly fall asleep.  You're welcome everyone who ever babysat me.

I have always known the value of sleep.  I'm an 8 hour type of gal.  College, grad school, no matter the obstacle I was always going to obtain 8 hours of sleep every night.  The minute my pretty lil head hit those pillows I was fast asleep.  And asleep I stayed until my alarm went off.

Now the only thing going off is my anxiety.  Despite being exhausted I can not for the life of me fall asleep.  Nor can I stay asleep.  And despite not having a lick of alcohol in 5 months, I wake up feeling hung over.

Restless and disturbed sleep is a wonderful symptom of Lyme.  Often times it also brings nightmares, and night terrors, and night sweats, oh my.  After much resistance I finally agreed to use sleeping pills.  They are a tiny little blue pill that up until now would at least allow me to sleep through the night.  Quite the opposite of another little blue pill on the market.

Ah but no, not even the little blue pill (LBP) can keep me asleep.  My new med that is meant to cure someone of the bubonic plague has spat on my LBP.  So in order to catch some un-interrupted zzzz's I now get to add 2 pain pills to the cocktail.

Or maybe I should stop watching the Wire before bed.  That McNulty is such a dog....

2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours

Yes, to figure out how many hours are in two weeks I used a calculator.

It has officially been 2 weeks since starting my 3rd round of new meds.  It has been 14 days of increased headaches and irritability.  It has been 336 hours of no sugar.

I have never ever in my life gone more than a few days without sugar.  Not even when living in a third world country.  After all that shit is in everything.  This is the point when you shouldn't feel bad for me, but rather those who have to be around me.

Last night for fathers day my sister brought over my favorite cherry pie.  Mom got out the good ice cream.  My niece wanted to sit on my lap and eat her dessert.  For those of you who don't eat with small children much, half of their food ends up on you.

She dropped ice cream on my hand.  I looked at my brother.  I looked at my mom.  Then I stood up and said, 'Someone needs to take her away'.

I love my niece.  I would take a bullet for her.  But I will not hold her while she eats dessert.  Fact.

Correlation or causation that is the question.  Could be the meds or could be the lack of sugar causing the irritability.  In this household we refer to it as PMS on crack.  However, it is clear that the new meds bring new side effects.

In April I began to have chest pains.  They started while I was still working.  It was resume day.  There were a lot of people in a small room.  I began to feel like I was going to drop so I casually tried to walk out of the classroom to get some water.  Half way to my desk it began to feel like someone was stabbing me.  I got another staff person to assist my students and got in my car.  I fully realize how dumb it is to drive, but in that moment I wanted and needed to be home.  Well probably a hospital - apples and oranges.

The chest pains had lessened in May, but these new meds have brought them back with a vengeance.  Maybe if I start eating sugar again they will go away?   

Being covered in warm jelly and other uncomfortable experiences

This morning I had an ultrasound.  Apparently when your liver numbers are up for 3 months doctors worry.  I figured that an ultrasound would be an easy test.  Lay back, take a little snooze, have someone rub my belly, and head home.  Very cat like.  Oh no...that wasn't the case at all.

They jab that sucker into your rib cage.  Have you take a deep breath.  Then break your rib.  Well that is how it felt.  The first nurse told me she finished the test and would be right back....never what you want to hear.  She comes back with another nurse.  The second nurse jabs my side to check things out.

This nurse, in an attempt to chat, begins to comment on my weight.  This always perplexes me.  How come people find it appropriate to comment on someones weight?  In general, people have enough tact to not say someone is fat.  My hypothesis is that people think they can comment on someone being skinny, because they think it is a compliment.

Well nurse, I don't like having the body of a 12 year old girl.

My liver is seemingly okay, but my kidney is suspicious.  The nurse thinks its probably just a genetic abnormality.  I'll be sure to feature that on my match.com profile.