A defected line and attitude

Some people have 1 in a million luck and win the lottery.  Others get struck by lightening.  I see no point in buying a lottery ticket.  I do see reason to stay inside during a storm.

The surgeon placed a defective PICC line in my chest 3 weeks ago.  It had a hole in it.  The hole wasn't in the part of the line that was exposed.  It was way in there.  Under skin.  If you buy a lottery ticket I would refrain from being around me for a week - just in case.

Most of us like to find someone or something to blame.  In large part because we want a reason.  We want a reason for physical, emotional, mental pain that has befallen us.  Desiring a reason is natural and innate to human nature.

I tend to fluidly move in and out of this.  This week I have been in the blame game.  I don't believe the surgeon maliciously cut into my chest twice to inflict pain on me.  Quite the contrary.  He carelessly operated on me.  Without thought.  I move into the blame game when the pain seems senseless.  I also am here because I was feeling so great.  So great.  Then because of someones error I was in pain.  Not because of my disease.  Not because I did something wrong.  But because a stranger was careless.  That is really difficult for me to accept.  To accept being bed ridden for 3 days because someone else hurt you is tough.

We all believe what we need to.  Those of you who believe everything happens for a reason - bully for you.  However, that is not what gets me through.  And since this is my blog open your mind and get ready.

I don't know how, when, or why I got Lyme.  I don't think I got it for any particular reason.  But I know that the strength, determination, advocacy, self-awareness, smiles, and laughter through this time are because I rose to a bad occasion and decided not to let it define me.  Being sick is really awful.  Captain obvious. I didn't get sick to show those in my life that I am strong and determined.  They already knew that.  And obvi they all already knew how hilarious I am.  If you think my self-esteem needed a boost you should just re-read this paragraph, slowly.

Bummer.  Bad shit happened.  Chin up.  Get out of bed.  Write a card to a friend.  Walk to the post office.  Think of others.  And better get to it.  Looks like a storm is coming.