It's time to utter that special 9 letter word: Remission

10 months of pain, frustration, not knowing, nausea, isolation, tears, and desperation 

has come to and end.

For someone who overuses ! you may be surprised that the above sentence doesn't have more of them. I don't feel how I thought I would feel in this moment.  I thought I would want balloons and parties.  Maybe those will come.  But rather I feel humbled and grateful.  My health isn't 100% back, but it is back.  A few months ago I never knew if I would get to type that sentence, and that really fucken scared me.

I am humbled because there are a lot of wonderful people out there who are sick.  And as happy as I am to be healthy(er) I wish they were as well.  So with a very grateful heart I raised a very full glass of red wine with a friend.  I am in remission.

The past two months have been a constant oscillation between 'I'm better!' and 'Will I get sick again?'  I am done with that now.  I trust myself.  Yes, I may get sick again.  But living a life of fear is not a life I want to live.  I now know what medications and what lifestyle work for my recovery.  I found my golden ticket.  Which is an ironic metaphor since I am not supposed to eat sugar.  That is correct.  For the rest of my days I have to limit sugar, gluten, caffeine, and alcohol.

No, I don't want to have a PICC line put back as it was painful and gross.  But, the worst...absolute worst part of this disease is the 'not knowing'.  Not knowing if or when you will get better.  Doctors not knowing or being completely unwilling to help you.  The not knowing leads to isolation.  No one knows what will happen and it is solely up to you to figure it all out.

I am still taking oral antibiotics and will continue to for the foreseeable future.  I am not 'cured'.  Nor is anyone with Lyme disease until the government starts funding it properly. Details of how we will change that coming soon!  But for today: Thank you.  Thanks for the cards.  Thanks for the emails.  Thanks for the calls.  Those of you who did those things may never know what it meant to me.  But you best believe that I am going to try!