That's what she said.
Apparently, I got sick 9 days too early. Looking back I can totally see how all of this is my fault. Why didn't I just stay healthy for 9 more days. How hard is that? How lazy can someone be?
In order to qualify for long term disability (the private one, not the government handout) I had to be healthy for a full 6 months after initially testing positive for Lyme. I was only able to be healthy for 5 months and 21 days; therefore, USAble Life was legally allow to deny my claim. Pre-existing condition.
The hilarity of all this lies directly in the arbitrary nature of the 'facts'. For example the date I 'became sick' is simply the date the lab processed the initial Lyme test. Not the week before when I was lying on my bathroom floor and lost feeling in my face. Of course I put a towel down first. No matter how sick I have been the only time I laid directly on a bathroom floor was when I passed out and hit my head. I do not lay on bathroom floors. They are up there with belly buttons and rubber bands. Vomit.
The date 'I got sick again' was the date that my doctor first saw me. Not when I began giving myself shots of antibiotics into my ass with a 3 inch needle over 2 minutes. I once ran a 25k. That is 15.5 miles. If you ever say 15 miles, I will correct you. That last half mile mattered. No one will take that away from me.
Not to pass the blame. I know how my loyal republican readers hate when people don't take personal responsibility....but had my doctor been on vacation and I saw him 9 days later I would be cashing a check. And I would spend that money on medical supplies from local Ohio business. Aren't we in a recession? Isn't that what people are supposed to do? It's as if I am not being able to help America grow.
What's the moral of the story? If you get a horrible disease be sure to be healthy for 6 months and 9 days before ever going back to the doctor. See what I did there? I added in 9 days. Safety.
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