Top 10 reasons Lyme is just like being a princess

#1. I go to a salon more often than Princess Kate.

MKA bow down.

You try washing your hair when no part of your chest can get wet.  No, seriously.  Try it.  If you figure out a way, sans bath tub, please tell me how.

#2. I get a mani pedi for medical purposes.
Circle back to those pics of my toes turning black.  Sexy.

#3. It takes me 5 hours to get ready.
High maintenance ain't got shit on me.  Real talk.  Some days by the time I take a bucket shower, go to the salon, do my stretches, and put clothes on it is time for my afternoon meds.

#4. I have weekly massages
The Lymph system is real.  With out my weekly massages I would not have improved to the level I have.  It is probably at this point that many of you are thinking Lyme Disease may be bank: no working, getting pampered, and all those fun drugs.  And for many of you with zero ambition, drive, or purpose it would be ideal.  Those of you with self-respect and the desire to contribute to the world - just get a massage.  Not a disease.

#5. I can be bitchy and no one questions me
Off with his head!  Fun Lyme symptoms are night sweats and nightmares with a twist of anxiety.  You know that feeling when you can't shut your mind off?  That.  My magical sleeping/anti-anxiety pill is no more.  Dr. Sadie decided I should ween myself off it.  With only 3 more days of the weening process to go I had that fantastic surgery.  Bummer of a decision.

#6. I basically have servants
I didn't do laundry, clean, or cook from April till September.  Before you rachet people think I have been wearing the same outfits day in and day out.  I have a loving mother who makes sure I am presentable.

#7. People send me extravagant gifts
The Magical Kitty Amulet (MKA) is one of the most valued pieces of jewelry of all times.  It is exotic, bold, colorful, and has magical powers.  I have fought, stolen, bribed, and framed others to be able to have this in possession.  To no avail.  But now in my time of greatest need it has come to me.  For those of you who work at boring jobs with un-cool co-workers, the MKA provided immunity from the notice board and the highest honor of the office.

#8. I spend my days gossipping and sending correspondence
Those walks to the post office is one horse drawn carriage short of pure princess behavior

#9.  I can feel a pea under 30 mattresses
Princess and a pea?  A little bit of a thing called Tegaderm and my skin will break out with the fury of teeny boppers trying to get a touch of the Biebs.

#10. The Surviving Whole Foods article describes me
Not just a little bit.  All of it.  No gluten.  No alcohol.  No sugar.  Only organic, grass fed, regularly petted and read stories to animals.  I am that white woman. (hangs head in shame)

18 more days of the IV folks!  Well that is the hope.  My doctor in NYC won't take it out.  My doctor in Ohio doesn't have room in her schedule to take it out for a month.  The hospital will take it out.  My options are to pay $700 for another order of meds or go back to the hospital that botched the surgery.  Decisions, decisions.

I now fully understand why Lyme patients so often take their lines out themselves.  Also, I know I am not at my 'peak' these days, bucket showers and all.  But this many doctors refusing to touch me is starting to make me feel like I am at a 7th grade dance when a slow song comes on.