Lyme disease: the only new things are new lows. And other uplifting Monday thoughts.

One of the first things my doctor told me to do was keep a daily record of symptoms.  My entry on Saturday simply said, 'Worst day of all time.'

Normally, mornings are the roughest and I get a moment or two of reprieve in the evening.  And by reprieve I mean that I can get out of bed and manage to mask the pain.  Then Saturday came along.  Previously the worst day was one spent dry heaving, crying alone, and passing out and hitting my head and going to the ER.  Saturday bitch slapped that pansy ass day.

I'm really good at faking it.  Just what all of my ex-boyfriends wanted to read.  I kid I kid.  At first I communicated how sick I felt and how much pain I was in to my friends and family.  But that constant communication had to stop.  The pain is and was everyday and although I have an illness attacking my brain I still had enough sense to realize that I can't complain everyday.  Boring.

Chronic illness means your going to have to find a way to deal with the pain and not let it ruin your relationships.  I think I have been good about balancing being honest and not being debbie downer.  This Saturday there was no faking it.  Lyme disease won on Saturday.  The nausea flooded over me Friday night and has yet to leave.  I haven't been able to eat a real meal yet.  The full body pain left me in bed all day.  No light.  No noise.  Constant unrelenting headaches.  Unable to stand without everything going black and having to grab onto something to not fall down.

Despite taking 2 sleeping pills and 2 pain pills before bed I am still struggling to fall and stay asleep.  So I ate chocolate cake.  With frosting.  And ice cream.  Self-medicating advocate.