Take a deep breath and hold it.

The nurse stretched my arm out on a table.  Told me to take a deep breath and hold it.  I jerked my face away a locked my eyes shut.  He slowly pulled the PICC line out of my arm.  No meds.  Now warning.  No explanation.  My PICC line was gone.  The one thing that has shown any signs of improving this disease was gone.

My mom spent all day Sunday in the ER with me.  It was a horrible experience.  Improper procedure. A complete lack of communication among hospital staff.  It seemed as if no one there knew what they should be doing.

I noticed pain in my PICC Thursday.  I kept a close eye on it.  By Saturday the redness began to look yellow.  I was advised to change the dressing again.  There was a pocket of grossness.  If in 12 hours the site was gross again then it was time for the ER.  The ER is simply a hot bed for infection so I was hesitant to go.  But that was my only option.

My health is constantly being compromised because I contracted a disease that medical professionals are legally allowed to shun me for.  

I wouldn't go to the ER if I had a doctor that would see me.  Especially since the ER doctor spent all of 30 seconds looking at my arm and never asked me a single question.  The only doctor that will see me is 11 hours away.  The CDC acknowledged Lyme is more prevalent.  However, the CDC hasn't made it safe for or mandate that doctors to treat me.  So I am left waiting in the ER for 5 hours.  To have a nurse who openly acknowledges he has never removed a PICC line, pull my line out with no supervision.

If only you knew how many times I looked at my mom and said, 'If I die please destroy this place'.

I now feel like I am racing against time.  The ER said preliminary results would be in this morning.  Radiology says they won't.  The ER left a temporary IV in my  arm with no removal plan.  Some people just want to get married.  Some people just want a family.  Some people just want a good job.  All I want is a PICC line.  To a point of tears.  I desperately need a way to keep getting the only medicine that provides hope I can be 'me' again.