Bugs and other things you never want to see in a doctors office

Stretcher in a hospital in Zimbabwe

There is something about a man who wears a bow tie.  Statistically speaking I usually get along with such men.  When my doctor walked in with a pink striped bow tie I was hopeful.

Then he opened his mouth and began talking.

Ladies, can I get an amen that this is the exact moment most men run into trouble?

If you think I am feisty while writing this blog you should have seen me in the doctors office.  At one point my mother laughed out loud seemingly from shock.  The CDC says that once someone has received a 2-3 week round of antibiotics they are cured.  Those few who aren't cured should simply deal with the symptoms which will resolve themselves.  Yea, resolve this CDC.  If only you could see what my hands were doing.

This means that almost all doctors who accept insurance have to abide by these standards in order to be reimbursed by insurance.

Since I am not better, nor do I think the answer is ever just to live in debilitating pain, I am exploring other options.  Today was the Infectious Disease Department at a major university.

The bow tie man began by informing me he doesn't think I have Lyme.  Awesome.  He claims that I most likely had a false positive on my initial Lyme test.  He went on to say he has read a study confirming that long term antibiotics do not work for Lyme disease.  Well homeslice unlucky for you I have the power of critical thinking.  I have read that same study.  Momma didn't raise no fool.  There isn't a 100% accurate test for Lyme.  If you think I had a false positive then there is no guarantee that all the people in the study actually had Lyme.  Further more, the vast majority of people who are treated for Lyme do get better after 3 weeks of antibiotics and do not need further treatment.  The study was flawed from the beginning since there isn't an accurate test to determine if someone has Lyme as well as what stage the disease is in.

He began to speculate what disease I have.  I let him say 2 then I decided it was time to step in.  I must be wicked smart because I was able to guess the next 3 diseases he thinks I have!  Crazy?  Nope, just literate.  Lyme is so often misdiagnosed that I can guess the diseases doctors will tell me I have.

He informed me I should stop all of my meds cold turkey.  I said no.  Crickets.  He asked me to sit on the table so he could examine me.  I then began to examine the bug crawling on the floor.

As my mom and I scurried out of the building attempting not to touch anything or breathe in any air, I was flooded with deja vu.  Ah, the time I was violently ill in Zimbabwe and sent to the hospital.

Lyme is a bitch of a disease.  Then on top of it you have other bitches, also known as doctors*, telling you that you don't have Lyme.  Yet, they always seem to leave out the part that they don't have an accurate test nor does insurance cover the treatment.

*Not all doctors are bitches.  This I know.